I blog and reblog things that interest me, or things that I like, obviously. I like boys, dudes, what I'm trying to say is, I like dick.
I'm a very fun guy, most gay guys are, I'm just that interesting book that sticks out from what everyone is reading.
«It breaks my heart to see Alaska cry. It’s too much, I can’t take it.»
- This isn’t sympathy, it’s empathy bitch. I personally know what it’s like firsthand to try and try and get rejected. Only to eventually get to your destination to find out that what you did wasn’t worth it in the end. And when I saw the reaction to the winners, my heart developed an anchor and sank to the deepest depths upon seeing Alaska cry. Need I say more?
I went with my mum to the grocery store, bought some things, and were on our way out. We got into our car and started to drive off. We had to circle the parking lot for an exit, but I’m glad that happened. As I looked to my left, I saw a dog, scared, and slowly wandering about aimlessly. I instructed my mum to stop and when she did and asked why, I opened the car door because the dog went under our car. I made my way towards the dog. It sat down, looking up at me. I tried talking to it like I would to my other dogs. I got close enough to pet it and my mum told me to move it out of the way, we were in a hurry. So I moved the dog to the nearest curb, out of harms way.
As I started walking, the dog followed me and I looked back at it. This dog was lost and had no home. It had dried up paint on its legs and paws. I picked it up and looked it in the eye. I held it close to me and got inside the car, my mum completely surprised that I brought the dog in. I said to my mum, this dog needs a home and it’s coming with us whether you like it or not. She stared at me, smiled and drove off. I looked at the dog, it stared at me and fell asleep on my lap. I shed a small tear because this moment reminded me of when Muriel first met Courage.
The dog is a she, I named her Alaska, and it so happens to be that she is pregnant. My brother said to me, “you changed that dog’s life the moment you picked it up”. Now Alaska wags her tail with tremendous joy when she sees me and it makes me feel wonderful. Thank you for reading this.
I once sat in the same room with a guy I like.
I watched him cuddle and kiss with his girlfriend for 3 hours.
The sad part, he knows I like him, and we were on the verge of having something together of our own…
That was the first time my heart completely broke into millions of irreparable pieces.
*Courage crying* “Oh my, you poor thing. Out here all alone?” *Muriel bends down to pick up Courage* “My, what Courage you have. Would you like to come home with me?” *As Courage cries, he looks up at her and smiles*
«Oh my, how we’ve grown apart, my dear friend,
Those lovely feelings, warm, soon to descend.
Loving you, was something I did not pretend,
It’s something you would not comprehend.
I’ll always remember you, to the very end,
As I move, in the comfort of my own bed.
Wishing, forever soon for us to extend…»
My name is Tony. My last day on earth was supposed to be on March 4, 2012. I overdosed that day. This is my story in a nutshell…
I guess you could say it was my consciousness talking to me, but I heard a voice talking to me, sort of in third person point of view. The voice said, “you’regoing to die”. My heart kept racing and I couldn’t walk. I hugged my friend while taking in consideration, these could be my final moments. I burst into tears, instructing my friend to please let my brother and my mother know that I love them very much. It wasn’t my intention to do this, and I was crying that I was going to die so young…
My friends tried to calm me down, and I kept myself from going insane. I stopped to breathe and as we walked, I stared at the floor… nothing changed. We were on the same platform for what seemed like hours were only a few minutes. My legs trembled and more tears fell from my eyes. I stopped, and it felt as if I were under freezing, freezing water. All of a sudden, I felt as if someone launched a hook through my chest, caging my heart, and tried to pull it out. The feeling was scary, it felt real, so I held my chest to “prevent” my heart from being snatched. That’s when I went back to “third person” view, and I saw myself… standing in front of myself.
I cried and I reminded my friend, if anything should happen, let my loved ones know. At that point, I knew I was going to die, it was for certain. I also told my friend, “please, please tell Joe that I love him very much”. Joe is my friend, whom I’m in love with, and to know that your life is dwindling before yourself, is the most depressing event anyone can experience. So many thoughts raced through my head, but Joe stood out. I heard myself, my consciousness, speaking to myself, the voice sounded a bit, angry and sad…
“You’re going to die and you’re going to leave Joe alone!?“
“You’ll never forgive yourself if you die…”
“You love Joe, you’re working so hard for him to be yours, and you’re just going to stand back quietly while accepting the fact that you’re going to die!?”
“You have so much left to do, you’re gonna call it quits!?”
(I cried more as I stood there, blankly looking up at the dark-lit sky, listening to the voice “lecture” me) For a brief second or two, I heardJoe’svoice, he said to me, “you CAN’T die Tony! You’re a hero… you’re my hero! Heroes don’t die!”
Hearing his voice made me cry more, but the voices were right. I guess you could say it was willpower, or just the thought of Joe in my head, but I pushed myself to try and stay alive. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital, looking at the heart monitor. It was going at 170 bpm. I continued to cry and weep as my friend made his way to comfort me. I talked to him about Joe, countless stories, I teared up with the biggestsmile on my face. My heart rate lowered, and eventually, I was able to go home. It all felt like a really bad dream when I woke up the next day, looking up at the cloudy sky. Something had told me, “if your body wasn’t in good physical condition, you wouldhave been dead by now”. Whether that was correct or not, I pushed myself because of Joe. If it wasn’t for him, I would have never made the move to try and keep on going.
To be honest, the thought of Joe made me feel as I had to keep trying, and I was focusing on Joe while in my moment of despair. I had agreed with one voice in particular, making Joe my boyfriend was marked unchecked on my to-do list. I couldn’t die, leaving that unmarked…
Now when I think about it… I guess I don’t appreciate life after what happened. I’m still the same old, same old. I don’t do things any differently as one might expect after having a near-death experience. I haven’t even told Joe about this, or how I really feel about him. Maybe I’m stuck with fear…
In the end, I survived. As I typed this, I got teary and I thought about who I am… I’m an important person to the people I know. I once had severe thoughts of suicide, and people, even some I hadn’t communicated with in a long time, came to comfort me when I really needed someone the most. They all had said something similar, “things wouldn’t be the same without you”. If you ever have thoughts of suicide, please know that people DO CARE, you ARE IMPORTANT. Don’t throw away your beauty and give in… keep striving. You have to remember those that love you, and the person you love… use them as inspiration to keep going, just as I had thought of Joe to keep me positive.
I wear my hospital bracelet, as a reminder that I’m still alive for a reason. Whether it is Joe or not, I have something left to do. It’s not game over yet…
I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for having the time to read this. It means a lot to me knowing my story has been read.